Lassie: "I need to get something off my chest."
Shawn: "Is it your shirt? Please say No!"
Shawn: "Cleaning my clock, what's that suppose to even mean?? What, you take time out of your day to clean another man's timepiece? And if so, how could that be a bad thing? No! I'd be gracious, I'd be like, dude, J.P. thanks for spritzing my watch."
Shawn: "I've been having this recurring dream where I'm flying over Auckland on the back of a swan made primarily of cocoa. His name is Clem."
Gus: Don't you watch the news?
Shawn: I can't watch Channel 8 anymore. Lloyd Lansing wears a toupee. It's like every newscast begins with a lie.
Shawn: Hey buddy, Santa Barbara wanted to give you an award for Exorcist of the Year
Gus: Laugh it up, Shawn, but I know who was right on my tail all the way to the car.
Shawn: I had to be, you were my ride home.
Gus: You were screaming too.
Shawn: Yes, I was screaming 'Gus, stop! Let's be brave!"
Shawn: Wait for iiiiiiit....
Gus: Shawn, what are you doing here?
Shawn: I should ask you the same question!
Gus: I work here!
Shawn: I should ask you a different question.
Henry (Shawn's dad): [leans in really close] Are you busy on Saturday?
Shawn: You - You want me to come with you to awkward class?
Shawn: Good morning detectives! Collecting donations for the Policeman's Ball?
Lassie: We don't have balls.
Shawn: ...I honestly have no response to that.
Shawn: Don't worry, Jules. I'll crack your case like an egg. Then we'll make omelets with shallots... and JUSTICE.
Shawn: I've heard it both ways.
Shawn: Gus, don't be a/n...
- silly goose
- crazy hooligan
- rabid porcupine
- giant snapping turtle
- incorrigible Eskimo pie with a caramel ribbon
- myopic chihuahua
- this crevice in my arm
- traveling wilberry
Gus: Make no mistake, Shawn, I will kill you.
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